Let's talk about podcast: How to approach conversations with your children about puberty and sex 
Let's talk about podcast: How to approach conversations with your children about puberty and sex
Here, we guide parents on how to discuss sex and bodies with their children openly and without shame. Discover tips on using accurate terms, managing discomfort, and fostering healthy conversations.
Please note: The content you are about to hear includes subjects that may feel sensitive for some people.
This includes topics related to violence and women and girls’ bodies and health. You may feel more comfortable viewing this content in a place where you have privacy and feel safe – this will be different for every person. If you ever feel upset or need someone to talk to, please reach out to services around you. Click on the Find Services link for information on how to find services or get immediate support.
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Welcome to “Let's talk about it” podcast — brought
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to you by Laaha. Laaha is an open, online platform
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where women and girls can get information about
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their health, wellbeing, and safety. Please
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remember: All content provided on the platform
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is based on scientific knowledge for educational
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purposes only. It is not intended to be a
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a substitute for professional
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medical advice or treatment.
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My name is Mariam, and I’m here
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on how to speak with your child
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about sex in a non-shaming way.
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For many of us talking about
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our bodies and in particular our sexual parts
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or reproductive organs can feel uncomfortable
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and maybe even embarrassing.
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Talking about sex may
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feel this way. This primarily
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has to do with what and how we learned
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about our bodies and sex when we were younger
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from our parents and/or other adults in our lives.
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When these topics have been discussed
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with us in a way that communicates embarrassment,
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discomfort, or are not allowed to be
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discussed at all, we learn to associate them
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with feelings of shame.
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This is often the case for women
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and girls because, depending on our culture
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or religion, we are also often taught
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that women’s bodies are something to be feared
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and controlled and that sex is something
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that is shameful and bad.
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As a mother you may also remember
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the experience of how people reacted when
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your body started to change–
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such changes often come with attention from boys
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and men and may have made you feel scared,
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vulnerable and / or ashamed of your body.
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Body changes may also have come with rules
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and restrictions on how you dress, who you spend
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your time with and where you can go.
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Remembering how these changes impacted
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your sense of self, how others viewed you
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and your daily activities and movements
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may mean that you are worried or anxious about
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these same things for your daughter(s).
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As a parent, you may feel that
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you want your children – both female and male—
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to grow up with a different understanding
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about their bodies and sex.
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You may also want to ensure your child
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receives correct information
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in a non-shaming way.
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If information comes from you rather
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than from another child, adult, the internet
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or a potentially untrusted source,
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you will have a greater chance to influence
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your child’s perception of their body,
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other people’s bodies and sex.
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A great place to start is by preparing
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yourself to have these conversations in a way
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that communicates openness to your child
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and does not communicate shame.
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Conversations about the sexual/ reproductive
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parts of our bodies and sex may be initiated
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by your child because they come to you with
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or because you decide to initiate
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a conversation with them.
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Let's talk about some points to keep in mind
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as you prepare for
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these conversations.
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So, first, it's important to remind ourselves that
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that our child's curiosity about
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sex is natural and normal.
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When they ask questions about how the sexual parts
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of their bodies or about sex it is coming from
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a place of wanting to know how the world works.
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When children ask questions
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about their bodies and sex,
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particularly when they are younger,
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they are usually asking about anatomy and biology.
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So, the language we use should reflect
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that and be simple, direct and use
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real anatomical terms.
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So, we should be prepared to use
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terms like vulva, vagina, penis, sperm, eggs, etc.
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Let's also remember that information
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does not scare children.
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Actually when they experience changes
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in their lives and no one explains it
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to them, it is the lack of information
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that feels scary.
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It is also important to separate
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your own discomfort about speaking
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about bodies and sex
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from your child’s curiosity.
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Our children often don’t yet have
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the same associations about bodies and sex
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wired into them as you might have,
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so they aren’t bringing to these conversations
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existing feelings of embarrassment,
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shame and fear.
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You have an important opportunity in
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these conversations to inform the way they
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think about and associate with these things.
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Remember to also prepare yourself
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that one question may lead to more questions
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either in the moment or at another time.
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That is normal and it is ok.
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Always ask your children if
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they have other questions and let them know
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they can always come back to you
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if they have more questions
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and you hope that they do.
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Remember that you do not need
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to have all of the answers to your
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children's questions in that moment.
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If your child asks you questions
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that you don’t feel prepared to answer,
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it is ok to say that you are glad
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that they are asking you
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and that you need to get back to them shortly.
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You could say something like:
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“That’s a great question and
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it deserves a great answer.
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I want to think about it and
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and come back to you.
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Give me a few hours /a day.“
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Make sure though that you do return
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to the conversation without allowing
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too much time to pass.
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You could re-initiate the conversation
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by saying, “You know how you
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were asking about that thing before the other day.
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well I thought about and
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and I'd like for us to continue our conversation.
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Also know that it is also okay
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and helpful to speak truthfully
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about your own discomfort.
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For example, you can say to your child—
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“I’m so glad you are asking me about this
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No one ever talked to me directly about
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these things when I was your age.
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This topic is so important.
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You may notice that I pause
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or may look uncomfortable.
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That is not something you are causing
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and it is not your fault.
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It’s just that it is new for me
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to talk about these things aloud.
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And lastly, your kids will remember how
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how they felt in these conversations more
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than anything about the conversations themselves.
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They will remember the message they received--
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whether their curiosity was met
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with openness or was shut down.
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So, emphasize upfront how important
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their questions are, tell them
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there are no bad questions,
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and that asking questions will never
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get them into trouble.
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This will send them the message
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that it is it ok for them to bring up topics
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and questions with you that they haven’t
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haven’t talked about before and that
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may feel a little uncomfortable.
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You are on your way to being more skillful
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and feeling more confident in having these
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with your child.
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If you have more questions
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or would like to talk to someone –
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please feel free to find the contact
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details of a service provider near you
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by clicking on the Find Services button
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or to search for more articles,
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use the search function or the chatbot.
Tags:
parenting
sex
puberty
howtotalkaboutsex
